Soft Hands and a Poodle

Some children are drawn to noise.
Some are drawn to movement.
Amira was drawn to warmth.

From the very beginning, before she had words, before she had steady steps, she had hands. Curious hands. Searching hands. Hands that wanted to feel the world before they understood it.

And in that world, there was Toby.

He was already there when she arrived. Large. Black. Calm. Breathing slowly on the floor beside us. He did not know what a baby meant. He did not know that everything was about to change. But he sensed it. He softened in ways I did not expect.

As Amira grew from infant to wobbly toddler, she discovered him the way children discover everything. Through touch.

Her small fingers would reach for his fur first. That soft, warm coat that held the faint scent of outdoors and home at the same time. She would press her hand into his back and pause, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breathing under her palm. Sometimes she would just stay there, as if she had found something grounding without knowing the word for it.

Toby never moved away.

He adjusted himself to her.

He lowered his head.
He leaned gently into her touch.
He made himself safe.

She reached for his ears next. Those silky ears that toddlers love to explore. She would hold them, study them, sometimes tug a little too much, and Toby would simply blink slowly and remain still, patient beyond reason.

Then she discovered his face.

His cheeks.
His whiskers.
His snoot.

And finally, his mouth.

Not with fear. Not with hesitation. But with that pure, fearless curiosity only very young children have. She would place her tiny hand near his muzzle and wait.

And Toby, always understanding more than we gave him credit for, would respond with the gentlest lick. Not wet. Not messy. Just enough to say, “I’m here.”

It became their language.

She would reach.
He would reassure.

When she was tired, when she was quiet, when something felt big in her little world, she would gravitate toward him. And he would give her that same steady presence. That warm breathing. That soft fur. That unconditional acceptance dogs seem to be born knowing how to offer.

As she grew older, their bond shifted in small, funny ways.

After meals, her hands would be sticky, covered in yogurt or pasta sauce or whatever chaos toddlers create at dinner. She would look at her hands, then look at Toby.

And Toby would already be there.

She would present them proudly, and he would clean them with solemn dedication, as if it were the most important task of the evening. A professional butler in service of his little human.

It made us laugh.

But beneath the humor was something deeper.

Toby was big. He could be invasive. He could be loud. He could take up too much space on the couch. But with Amira, he became deliberate. Measured. Gentle.

He lowered himself to her height.
He matched her energy.
He offered her a kind of loyalty that does not ask questions.

There is something about watching your child place their trust in a dog that changes you. It is fragile and powerful at the same time. You realize that love does not always need explanation. It can simply exist in the quiet exchange between soft hands and warm fur.

When I look back at those pictures, what I see is not just a baby and a poodle.

I see a little girl learning that the world can be safe.
I see a dog choosing patience over impulse.
I see a bond that needed no words and no conditions.

A child reaching for comfort.
A dog answering without hesitation.

And if you have ever been a parent with a dog beside you, you know exactly what that feels like. You know that mix of gratitude and awe. You know that silent thank you you whisper to the animal who helps raise your child in ways you never could alone.

Classic Toby.

Not just a pet.
Not just a companion.

Her steady big brother.
Her soft place to land.

Lullabies for a Poodle

The keyboard had been there long before Toby.

Music has always been part of my life. The instrument was already sitting in the living room when we adopted him. But for the first few weeks, I did not touch it.

I was not sure how he would react.

New home. New people. New smells. I did not know if the sound would overwhelm him. I did not know if it would feel like too much stimulation for a dog who was still adjusting.

So I waited.

A few weeks later, one evening, I decided to try.

Part One: The Discovery

I sat down at the keyboard and started softly. Nothing loud. Nothing dramatic. Just a simple lullaby. Slow. Gentle. Repetitive.

Toby was nearby, half paying attention.

Within seconds, I heard the shuffle of paws.

He walked toward the sofa. Climbed up. Turned once. And then stretched himself out fully, long and elegant, claiming his space as if he had always done this.

I kept playing.

Halfway through the melody, I heard it.

A long, exaggerated sigh.

Not irritation.
Not confusion.

Contentment.

Then came the soft whistle of air escaping his nose as he exhaled deeply.

By the time I reached the end of the piece, Toby was completely gone. Eyes closed. Breathing slow. Fully asleep.

And then, the snore.

Not subtle.
Not shy.

Actual snoring.

I stopped playing and just looked at him.

I had been worried the music would overstimulate him.

Instead, I had accidentally discovered his favorite genre.

Lullabies.

Part Two: The Ritual

After that, it became a ritual between us.

Whenever I sat down and began something slow and gentle, Toby would appear.

No invitation needed.

He would make his way to the sofa with purpose. If Stephanie was already sitting there, he did not hesitate. He would stretch out anyway. Gradually expanding until she had no choice but to adjust.

Even later, when Amira was around, when the house was louder and busier, when life felt fuller and more chaotic, Toby kept the ritual intact.

Music started.
Toby moved.

He would climb up, stretch across the sofa like it was custom designed for him, release that same long sigh, and within minutes, pass out.

The yawn would come first. A wide, theatrical yawn as if to say, “Yes, this is my cue.”

Then the breathing slowed.

Then the snoring began.

Sometimes I would be mid song and have to compete with him.

There is something deeply moving about that memory. Not dramatic. Not grand. Just quiet. A dog choosing your music as the safest place in the room.

He did not applaud.
He did not request encores.
He did not critique.

He just came closer.
Stretched out.
And trusted the sound enough to fall asleep.

Classic Toby.
Curious about everything.
Completely undone by a lullaby.

Teeth

There is a concept every animal owner understands.

It is called “teeth.”

Not aggression.
Not snarling.
Not drama.

Just… teeth.

That tiny little moment when your pet stretches, yawns, relaxes, or simply exists in a way that allows one small canine to peek out from under the lip. Completely accidental. Completely harmless. Completely adorable.

Toby was no exception.

He would stretch and suddenly, there it was.
A small white fang making a surprise appearance.

He would yawn and one tooth would refuse to fully retreat.

He would relax on the couch and somehow, for no logical reason, a single canine would stick out just enough to make him look mildly suspicious.

The funniest part?

He genuinely seemed to believe no one noticed.

There is a photo I took that captures this perfectly. Toby sitting calmly, almost smiling, clearly attempting to look composed and dignified. His lips relaxed. His expression soft.

And right there.

The tooth.

Just slightly exposed.
Just enough to ruin the illusion.

It gave him a permanently mischievous look. Like he had a secret. Like he was about to say something inappropriate at a dinner party.

Whenever I spotted it, I would announce it.

“Teeth.”

Toby would blink slowly, pretending nothing was happening.

And then, because I could not resist, I would reach over and gently touch the little exposed canine.

The reaction was immediate.

A quick lip adjustment.
A subtle head movement.
A look of complete and utter dismay.

The message was clear.
“How dare you.”

He would shift his mouth, tuck the tooth back in, and stare at me with betrayed dignity. As if I had just violated an unspoken agreement between us.

But of course, it would happen again.

Another stretch.
Another yawn.
Another rebellious little fang making its appearance.

And I would point.

“Teeth.”

Classic Toby.
Trying to look refined.
Undone by one tiny canine.

The Christmas He Belonged To

Christmas has a way of bringing certain presences back with it.

The lights go up. The air turns colder. The evenings grow quieter. And even years later, this season still carries Toby with it, gently and insistently, like a memory that knows exactly when to return.

In 2020 and 2021, Christmas was different. The world slowed down. Doors closed. Gatherings disappeared. It was just us at home with a very young Amira, learning how to be a family while everything outside felt uncertain.

And through all of it, Toby was there.

He did not need a role.
He did not need a purpose.
He simply existed in the space with us.

He lay near the tree while the lights blinked softly. He followed us from room to room, always nearby but never demanding attention. He curled up beside Amira on the floor, watching her explore the world in small, careful movements. He slept close during long winter evenings when the cold pressed against the windows and the house felt especially still.

Toby became the quiet warmth of those Christmases.

When the outside world felt heavy and unpredictable, he brought something steady into the house. Not excitement. Not distraction. Just presence. The kind that makes you feel like, for this moment, everything is exactly where it should be.

Christmas mornings were simple. No rush. No visitors. No noise. Just paper being torn, Amira’s curiosity, and Toby occasionally stealing a piece of wrapping paper and carrying it away like it was meant just for him.

He was our entertainment.
He was our comfort.
He was our calm.

This Christmas is not the first without Toby.
It is the third.

Time has moved on, as it always does. Life has taken turns we did not predict. But when Christmas comes back around, Toby comes with it. Not as a solution, not as a symbol of unity, but as a memory that still carries weight.

Back during those COVID Christmases, when the world felt closed and uncertain, Toby was simply there. He did not try to fix anything. He did not understand what was happening outside our walls. He only knew his home, his people, and his quiet place within it.

That is what I remember most.

Not a perfect family moment.
Not a promise of permanence.
Just a dog who filled the room with warmth when everything else felt smaller.

Toby belonged to that chapter. Fully and honestly. He was part of those Christmases the way only a dog can be. Completely present. Completely unaware of what would come later.

Now, years after he is gone, those memories do not feel lighter. They feel heavier, because they are finished. But they are still his. They are not about what stayed or what changed. They are about who he was when he was here.

Toby does not represent what life looks like now.
He represents a time when his quiet presence was enough to make the season feel whole.

And that is how I choose to remember him.

Not as something that held everything together forever, but as a steady, loving presence that existed exactly when we needed it.

Classic Toby.
Exactly where he belonged.
Exactly when he belonged.

The Butt Scratch Ritual

There are some things all dogs agree on.
One of them is butt scratches.

Toby was no exception.

I do not think there is a single dog owner on earth who does not recognize the reaction. That immediate lean. That slow stretch. That look on their face that says you have discovered the exact correct button.

Toby had that button.
And he loved it.

Whenever I scratched him right at the base of his back, his whole body responded. He would stretch his legs, arch slightly, and make a face that can only be described as pure satisfaction. His eyes half closed. His mouth relaxed. His entire posture melting into the moment.

And then there was the sound.

Toby had a very specific moan.
Not a bark.
Not a growl.
A soft, dramatic groan of pleasure that sounded like he was politely thanking the universe.

It happened every time.
Without fail.

You could scratch him anywhere else and get a tail wag. But scratch him there, and suddenly he turned into a very vocal, very expressive poodle who wanted you to know this was the highlight of his day.

The picture I have from that moment captures it perfectly. My hand scratching his back. Toby frozen mid stretch. His face twisted into that unmistakable expression of joy. It is ridiculous. It is adorable. It is exactly who he was.

There is nothing extraordinary about a butt scratch.
And yet, somehow, it became one of those small rituals that stay with you.

Because those simple moments are the ones that sneak up on you later.
The ones you miss the most.
The ones that remind you how little it takes for a dog to be happy.

A familiar hand.
A familiar touch.
A familiar sound of contentment.

Classic Toby.
Finding pure joy in the simplest things.

Santa, a Poodle, and a Very Big Announcement

Announcing a pregnancy is a big moment.
Naturally, we decided to do it with a poodle.

Right before Christmas 2019, the mall near our place was hosting a “take a picture with Santa” event. Not for kids. For pets. Which already told us this was going to be an interesting evening.

Stephanie was already more than eight weeks pregnant, and we felt it was time to prepare the announcement. We looked at each other and immediately agreed on the only reasonable solution.

Santa plus pets.
Toby would make the announcement.

So on a cold December evening, we brought Toby to the mall. That alone was an adventure. People were lining up with every animal imaginable. Dogs. Cats. Parrots. Iguanas. Creatures I am still not entirely sure were supposed to be there.

And then there was Toby.

A magnificent black poodle walking in like he owned the entire mall. Tail up. Chest out. Completely convinced this event existed solely for him.

People stared.
People smiled.
Toby soaked it all in.

When it was finally his turn, he sat down next to Santa. And to his credit, he tried very hard to behave. You could see the internal struggle. So many new animals to watch. So many smells to process. His attention was clearly divided, but he stayed composed because he knew we wanted him to.

Stephanie placed a small board next to him.

It read:
“Santa said that because I was a good boy, my parents are getting me a baby human. June 2020.”

At first, people just smiled at the dog.
Then they read the board.
Then they paused.
Then the realization hit.

Suddenly, congratulations came from everywhere.

“Oh my god, congratulations.”
“That is amazing.”
“How cute.”
“Congratulations to you both.”

And Toby?
Toby was thrilled.

He stood taller.
He wagged harder.
He made eye contact with everyone.
He absolutely believed every single congratulations was meant for him.

He had no idea what a baby human was, but he was very proud to be getting one.

We left the mall with a caniche royal who thought he had just accomplished the performance of a lifetime. Chest puffed out. Head high. Completely convinced he had nailed his role.

When we later posted that picture on social media, it took off immediately.
To this day, it remains my most popular post.

And honestly, I understand why.

A proud poodle.
Santa.
A baby announcement.
Right before Christmas.

Classic Toby.
Always stealing the spotlight.

The Toddler Massage Therapist

After Toby lost all his extra weight, something unexpected happened.
He kept a little extra skin.
Just enough to create tiny flaps that gently slid down when he sat.
Nothing dramatic, just a subtle, adorable sag that gave him a slightly baggy look.

Amira, at two years old, found this absolutely fascinating.

Toddlers do not need logic.
They need curiosity.
And Amira had plenty of that.

Whenever Toby sat in front of her, she would reach out with her tiny hands and begin what she believed was a massage. It was part petting, part poking, part pressure point therapy, and part experimental squishing of the mysterious poodle skin folds.

She took her role very seriously.
She concentrated.
She studied the flaps like a young scientist in training.
And she always made sure to apply a surprising amount of toddler strength.

Now, anyone who has ever lived with a dog knows that when a dog shows you his back, he is giving you his trust. It is a vulnerable position. A sign that he feels safe.

So for Toby to sit down, turn his back to a two year old, and allow her to perform this strange, improvised chiropractic session was a big deal.

But here is the part that still melts me.
Toby seemed to actually enjoy it.

His eyes softened.
His breathing slowed.
He leaned into her tiny hands just enough to show he appreciated the attention, even if her technique resembled dough kneading more than massage therapy.

And part of me truly believes Toby sat in front of her on purpose.
As if he would quietly position himself, waiting for his little human to give him the world’s most chaotic but heartfelt massage.

Sometimes she pressed too hard.
Sometimes she poked the wrong spot.
Sometimes she drummed on his back like it was a bongo.
But Toby let her.
Every single time.

It was one of the cutest things I ever witnessed.
This tiny little girl pouring all her love into those clumsy little hands, and this gentle poodle offering his trust and his warmth right back.

Two souls communicating without words.
One learning how to love.
One knowing exactly what love was.

Classic Toby.
Patient, trusting, and quietly requesting his daily toddler massage appointment.

Rockette and the Awkward Romance

Every legendary hero has a love interest.
Toby had Rockette.

Rockette belongs to my good friend Nick. She is a beautiful brown and white dog with short hair, calm eyes and a grounded personality. The kind of dog who observes everything quietly and decides only afterward whether anything is worth reacting to.

Toby, on the other hand, was Toby.
Awkward.
Invasive.
Curious to a fault.
The canine equivalent of someone tripping over their own feet while trying to look smooth.

Naturally, it became a priority for Rockette and Toby to meet.

Their first encounter was unforgettable.
Rockette stood steady and dignified, watching Toby with a calm stare.
Toby approached with the enthusiasm of a child running downhill with no brakes. He sniffed, circled, leaned in too close, stepped on her personal space, and introduced himself with zero etiquette.

Rockette tolerated him at first.
Barely.
But she tolerated him.

And then something surprising happened.
She started to like him.

Maybe it was his sincerity.
Maybe it was his endless enthusiasm.
Maybe it was the fact that no one had ever courted her with such chaotic energy.

Whatever it was, Rockette gradually warmed up.
Her tail wagged.
She let him sit near her.
She allowed little playful nudges.
She accepted him.

Before long, they were having actual doggy play dates.
Then sleepovers.
Then shared walks.
Then long stretches where they simply existed together in gentle silence, Toby staring lovingly while Rockette pretended not to notice.

Nick and I found the whole thing hilarious and adorable.
Two dogs with opposite personalities, forming a bond that made no logical sense but felt so right.

And then came Valentine’s Day.

Rockette received a card “from” Toby.
It was ridiculous and sweet and perfect.
The kind of moment that makes you smile years later because it was just so genuinely them.

Toby was so proud.
He carried himself differently around her after that.
His tail wagged slower, more confident.
He acted like he had won her heart in the most gentlemanly way he knew how.

And Rockette, calm and patient, allowed him to bask in the glory of their odd little romance.

Their relationship did not need labels.
It did not need drama.
It simply existed in the most uncomplicated, wholesome way.

Rockette tolerated Toby.
Toby adored Rockette.
And somehow, they met in the middle.

Classic Toby.
Finding love in the only way he knew how.

The Chief’s Dog

In January 2021, my professional life changed completely.
I became Chief of Côte Saint Luc EMS.
It was a job filled with responsibility, long hours, high pressure and constant unpredictability.

And with that promotion came a second, unspoken appointment.
If I was the new EMS Chief, then Toby was the real EMS Chief.

From the moment he walked into the station, everything shifted.
He was no longer just my partner.
He became everyone’s partner.

Toby learned the rhythm of EMS life immediately.
He came on call runs with me, although he preferred sleeping in the emergency SUV instead of participating in the actual work. He followed me from room to room like a shadow. He patrolled the hallways. He inspected offices. And he made sure any medic foolish enough to still be sleeping at nine in the morning received a wet poodle wake up call on the sofa.

The secretary fed him treats and brushed him during her breaks.
Dispatchers whispered hello to him like he was another member of the shift.
Crew members greeted him before they greeted me.
The students in training adored him.
The volunteers loved him even more.

He became our station’s dog.
He belonged to all of us.

And word spread outside the building too.

Police officers from the station next door came to take him for walks after difficult calls. It helped them decompress. They left with softer shoulders and lighter hearts.

Paramedics from Montreal EMS stopped by on their lunch breaks with biscuits, hoping Toby was around to brighten their day.

Even the director, a man who lived under impossible pressure during the pandemic, could not resist Toby. Toby regularly snuck into his office, curled up on the chair and snored so loudly you could hear him down the hallway. The director pretended to object. He never actually did.

And Toby helped the public too.

COVID calls.
Mental health emergencies.
Lonely people.
Scared families.

On one call, we struggled to escort a young patient outside. She was terrified, shaking, overwhelmed. Nothing worked.

Until Toby stepped forward.

He looked at her with calm eyes and a soft tail. She reached for him. He stepped closer. She breathed easier. And for the first time since we arrived, she stood up willingly because Toby was waiting for her at the door.

That was Toby.
Quiet care.
Pure heart.

Through every lick, every kiss, every cuddle, Toby became far more than my dog.
He became the station’s comfort.
A piece of joy people clung to in the darkest months of the pandemic.
A constant when everything else was collapsing.

And when he passed in September 2022, it was not just me who cried.
It was an entire EMS and Public Security family.
Paramedics. Dispatchers. Medics. Officers. Volunteers.
People who had held him, walked him, fed him, relied on him, laughed with him.
People who found light in him when the world felt unbearably heavy.

We lost more than a station dog.
We lost a beautiful soul who had cared for all of us in ways he never understood.

Through everything, my poodle became our poodle.
And his absence left a quietness in the station that will never feel complete.

Classic Toby.
Beloved by one family.
Beloved by many.

The Day We Adopted a Sheep

When Stephanie and I decided to adopt a dog in December 2018, we imagined welcoming home a graceful, energetic, perfectly proportioned standard poodle.

What we got instead was a sheep.

Toby’s previous owner was a kind older gentleman who loved him deeply. Unfortunately, his work hours had become long and unpredictable. To make sure Toby never felt hungry, he allowed him unlimited access to food. Daytime, nighttime, anytime, Toby could eat whatever he wanted.

And Toby did exactly that.

When his previous owner first sent me a picture offering Toby for adoption, he looked handsome. Elegant. Tall. Noble. Everything a Caniche Royal is supposed to be.

So when Stephanie and I arrived to meet him in person, we expected a poodle.

But the creature who trotted toward us looked like a very gentle, very fluffy, very overweight sheep.
Round belly. Thick legs. Wobbling trot. Soft eyes.
A poodle disguised as a marshmallow.

And I loved him instantly.

I have always struggled with my weight. When I saw Toby, I felt something familiar, something comforting. He was warm, friendly, chubby, gentle, and completely unaware of any of it.

Stephanie took one look at him and said nothing, but her eyes spoke full paragraphs.

We adopted him on the spot.

The plan began immediately. Stephanie became his fitness coach. I became his emotional support. Toby became our very confused but cooperative trainee. We switched him to high quality food in proper portions. We took daily walks. We encouraged playtime. We encouraged healthy habits.

Toby did not understand why his unlimited buffet had disappeared, but he trusted us.
And very slowly, the sheep started transforming back into a poodle.

A few months later, he was slim, healthy, energetic, and proud. His fur sat differently. His gait changed. His eyes sparkled with confidence. He looked like the dog he was meant to be.

But every once in a while, when I saw him curled up on the couch, I remembered the first day we met him. That round, gentle, huggable sheep-dog who stole my heart in a single moment.

Classic Toby.
Soft, sweet, and perfect in every shape.